The Hungry Games

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[I dedicate this post to my children – may they:   a)never have to diet, b)never have to fight to the death in an arena, c)get in to see The Hunger Games this afternoon – good luck, little ones]

Sorry – just had to get that out there.

I am always hungry.  I think I have some sort of disorder (to add to all my other ones, of course) whereby my stomach and my brain have a failure to communicate.  My stomach is always growling.  I am rarely able to resist eating a multiple meals a day.  I can eat my weight in pasta and put my husband to shame at any meal.  My brain might be saying (yelling, shouting) “You just ate 15 minutes ago you glutton!” but my stomach doesn’t seem to get the message.  My mouth follows the instructions of the stomach.  It growls, I eat.  Very simple.

I’ve tried various diet programs – or, “food management” programs like Weight Watchers.  My brain gets very excited at the prospect of portion control.  My stomach laughs derisively – which sounds like a growl which leads me to eat another meal.  I have tried fooling my stomach by putting my food on smaller plates.  I have created great, unstable towers of meatloaf this way.  And, although I’m ashamed to admit it, my stomach sometimes convinces me to skip the plates or bowls altogether and eat directly from the pot.

I get hungrier eating complex carbs.  I eat a bowl (reasonably sized, really) of steel cut oatmeal every morning around 7:30.  By 9 I am ravenously hungry, desperately rummaging in the fridge for something quick AND healthy.  I peel a banana, trying to be good.  My stomach growls, “Are you freaking kidding me?  I want a croissant!  With butter! Scratch that – give me a whole baguette!” 

Working out complicates things.  My brain is now in cahoots with my stomach. “Eat the croissant.  You’ve earned it.  You’ve walked up hills the size of ski runs – you deserve a treat.”  At this rate, I will have to buy a whole new wardrobe of pants with drawstring waists.

Thankfully – it sounds weird but there it is – my dentist is forcing both sides into a surrender.  I’m now on what could be called The Toothache Diet or maybe The Root Canal Diet.  Fun? No.  Challenging? Yes.  Smoothies and Greek yoghurt have been my mainstays for the past two weeks.  And, the Games continue…who will emerge the winner? 

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