The other day as my husband and I were walking to our favourite coffee shop, we spied a squirrel with an ass as big as a Rottweiler’s. The squirrel’s behind was so big we couldn’t help staring. Said squirrel ignored us, intent on stuffing his face full of acorns. I looked at my husband and said, “I think we’re in for it this winter.” If that squirrel’s enormous derriere was any indication of the winter we’re about to endure, we’d all better start bulking up and fast.
And, so in the spirit of not freezing to death from December to the end of March, I’m adopting the wildlife’s approach to winter. I’m stuffing my face nearly constantly. Some of you out there who know me might be wondering how this is any different from my normal approach to eating. Well, it’s not mindless. My gluttony is mindful which is always better. My face-stuffing has purpose.
Every time I see a squirrel or a bird now that isn’t morbidly obese, I feel sad. “Hey, buddy! You’re not going to fare well – c’mon its December already – get on it!” I’ll call through the kitchen window. We saw a cardinal on our back deck last weekend that still had a waistline. We shook our heads sadly. He, though glorious in his vibrant red plumage, surely wouldn’t make it much past Christmas.
I will survive – and easily could survive – on my excess bulk until well after Christmas as my waistline disappeared right after Halloween. There really is something to this bulking up for winter theme – I can walk around my virtually un-insulated house without shivering constantly. Think of the money we’ll save without me bumping up the thermostat from 65 to 75 degrees (which would be necessary if I was skinny). There is no need to buy bulky sweaters and wear them all at once, making me look like the Michelin tire man. I now look like the Michelin man anyway.
Sure, there will be a reckoning in April when the layers have to be peeled off to greet the warmer weather. Countless hours of hideous exercise will have to be endured. I won’t be alone – the rest of Canada will be at the gym with me. But I’ll give that some thought around…the end of March. Until then, there’s Swedish coffee bread, Christmas cookies, homemade biscotti, mince tarts, butter tarts, pasta, strata, frittata, baguettes….
Dear me, I’ve gone an hour without food. No wonder I’m feeling a bit peckish…