Banshees screech. It’s what we’re known for. It’s been too long since I’ve really aired out my lungs. Today, I’m finding it hard to be the lone banshee with a sunny disposition who goes blathering on about her recent lovely vacation in Europe when, as I write, Europe is slowly sliding into the shitter along with…well, everybody except China (I think).
I can contain myself no more. Let me caution you that I might insult, offend, and piss off in this rant. I’m beyond caring because frankly, my cardiac health is more important than being politically correct. Today. I will apologize tomorrow. Maybe.
Speaking of apologizing, I’m so gratified to hear that Gerard Depardieu apologized for peeing in the cabin of a CityJet airline. I’m sure that makes it all better for the hardworking cabin cleaners (not to mention the other passengers) who had to clean up after him after his temper tantrum. Somebody should’ve made that oversized infant clean up his own mess. What kind of self-respecting adult does such a thing? Everybody over the age of 3 1/2 knows to go before you get on the plane (because these days, God knows how long you might be delayed on the runway before take off, ascent, location of cruising altitude and so forth). Mon Dieu, Gerard. Send this guy some Depends and ban him from all public transport…
Speaking of tantrum-throwing infants in the public domain, get over yourself Christine O’Donnell. Is this how the next generation of politicians is going to lead? Is she a politician? I seem to remember a failed debate in Delaware awhile back…Either they’re exposing themselves on social media or having tantrums when asked a question they don’t want to answer. What a great example you are setting for America’s young people, Christine. Sure, Piers Morgan is an over-blown, egocentric, sometimes rude man but if I’m not mistaken you were on his show. The purpose of his show, in case you were not familiar with the format is: he asks you questions, you answer them. Surely, you are not so naive as to think that the question wouldn’t come up (or a similar one). If you want to be a public figure, you’d better grow some thicker skin and perhaps even have lucid answers to the tough questions.
Kim Kardashian, go away. Take your ostentatious, tacky engagement ring down to the nearest pawn shop and sell it. Then please donate the proceeds to say, UNICEF or Doctors Without Borders. Save the Children is nice too. Or any charity of your choice (but not, I repeat not the Kardashian How To Get Famous Without Ever Doing Anything Useful- Fund). Then, take the money your family is spending on your “lavish” (sickening, nauseating, insulting to most of mankind) wedding and donate it similarly. Then, feel free to get married to whomever you please, as many times as you please with one condition: you must go somewhere hidden away – may I suggest somewhere underground with dim lighting with no audio? – to do it so that the rest of us might be spared the spectacle and the endless “reporting” of it.
In a British newspaper I came across a flurry of reports regarding A-levels. One such report maintains that A-levels don’t mean much anymore. I confess I do not understand the British school system at all but I do know that when one student is awarded two points on his exam for answering a question with the words, “F**K OFF” (which presumably was not the correct answer), the world really is coming to an end. I believe the exam board said more points might’ve been awarded if the student had used an exclamation point. Really? Please, please, please be a joke, I beg of you.
Rioting and destruction of communities across Britain, flash-mob robberies in convenience stores across the U.S. (which, frankly, amazes me given the gun laws there – are these kids crazy or crazy and stupid?), political and economic paralysis in the U.S., the slow, agonizing death of the European economy, the imbecilic thoughts, ideas, policies, and intentions of Toronto’s mayor who will, if he gets his way, will turn back progress in this city by about 20 years….maybe 30, and has anyone seen Stephen Harper lately? It’s worrying when he hasn’t been seen in awhile, it usually means he’s off doing something sneaky or maybe I’ve just been too caught up in Kim K’s wedding plans to notice…
You know why I’m screeching, don’t you? NO, I assure you I’m not jealous of Kim’s fame. I’m scared. There is little good news anywhere (oh, wait I’m wrong – David Beckham is now able to feed his new baby now that Posh is pumping…yay, Becks!) Even Nicholas Sarkozy is looking grim. Last week he had still had the glib smirk on his face but it was gone as of this morning. Maybe Angela Merkel had just stamped on his foot, I don’t know. I feel (for the first time) that the world is in the direst of straits. Usually, I just go about my life, hang onto my money as best I can, and hope our elected officials know what they’re doing. The faint light I used to think I saw at the end of the tunnel has gone out. The darkest days haven’t even come yet…on top of that, winter is coming, dammit. I hate winter.
How will we cope? No one, not our elected officials, not pundits – no one seems to have the answers. Perhaps, Kim K has the right idea after all, burying herself in Marie Antoinette-like delusion that all is well as long as she has cake to eat…perhaps this winter, I should just get me some Valium, hibernate like a bear and when Spring 2012 arrives, all will be well. No more Somali children will have starved to death, no more mindless rioters will have burned down the livelihoods of their fellow neighbours, and some way, some how, the U.S. and the rest of the world will be solvent. And, Kim Kardashian will have gone away.