I had a close call yesterday. I didn’t exactly see my life flash before my eyes but I did imagine some fairly disturbing headlines.
“Woman Chokes on Grilled Cheese Sandwich” Subtitle might’ve been “Victim in East End Found by Neighbour’s Cat”
So, the kids were at school, husband was at work – a typical weekday. Hungry, I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich. As I sat down to watch some HGTV (my favourite lunchtime pursuit), I took a bite. Suddenly, the persistent cough that I’ve had for the last 150 years (slight exaggeration) rose up in my throat and sent me into a doubled over fit.
No big deal had the bite of grilled cheese sandwich not been sucked into an airway. Confused and frightened by the hideous cough, it lodged itself in there pretty firmly.
I didn’t panic right away but about 20 seconds into not being able to breathe, I thought: what the hell? Is this how it’s all going to end? With a grilled cheese sandwich?
I briefly considered pitching myself out the front door and into the street so as to increase the a)likelihood that I could be rescued or b) chance that I could be spectacularly flattened by the Canada Post truck as it always roars down our street far too fast. (The coroner would only find out about the stupid grilled cheese sandwich much, much later). Those headlines would’ve been better:
“Woman Mowed Down by Miscreant Mail Truck”
Instead, I staggered to the sink for water. The water propelled the grilled cheese sandwich bite out of its confusion and deep into my lungs. My lungs protested vehemently but at least I could breathe. (It still hurts).
After, as I lay gasping on the sofa, I thought about how awful it would’ve been for my children to come home and find me expired on the floor, clutching the TV remote and my copy of Writer’s Market. Their beloved mother cut down by the cruel hand of fate and an inhaled bit of sandwich…My poor babies…then, a horrible thought struck me. Would they even notice? My son goes straight for his video games in the basement, my daughter plugs in to the nearest computer to watch episode after episode of “How I Met Your Mother.” (Ironic, yes?)
I might indeed have been discovered by the neighbour’s cat…
Then, my mind drifted to all of the unfinished stories on my hard drive. What would become of them, the little darlings?
Fortunately, I can leave that worry for another time. I had soup for lunch today…just in case.